Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Hurricane Lane (2018)/archive1: Difference between revisions

(→‎Comments from JC: Replies to all, thank you!)
I'll stop there for now. Based on my initial read-through of the MH and preps sections, the article is in fair shape; just some polishing to be done. – '''[[User:Juliancolton|<span style="font-family:Script MT Bold;color:#36648B">Juliancolton</span>]]'''&nbsp;&#124;&nbsp;[[User_talk:Juliancolton|<sup><span style="font-family:Verdana;color:gray;text-shadow:gray .2em .18em .12em">''Talk''</span></sup>]] 04:06, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
:Thank you very much for the thorough comments. If you have additional suggestions for the remainder of the article I would be happy to work on it. ~ [[User:Cyclonebiskit|Cyclonebiskit]] ([[User talk:Cyclonebiskit|chat]]) 23:19, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 
Continued:
*''Accumulations were greatest along the volcanic slopes of Mauna Loa'' - Aren't all the slopes on Mauna Loa volcanic? If possible, a region (eg. "eastern slopes", "northern side", or whatever the case may be) would be helpful.
*''a maximum of 58 in (1,473.2 mm) at Kahūnā Falls in Akaka Falls State Park, as measured by a private weather station'' - False precision, apparently. Also, the total is listed as 58.8" in the PNS... was it later revised?
*''Along the still-erupting Kīlauea volcano, the rain created excessive steam that caused whiteouts.'
**The earlier reference to Kilauea omits the [[:wikt:kahakō|kahakō]], and the link should be moved there.
**"Still-erupting" doesn't provide much context. Still from when? 1983? Suggest changing to "active" or simply "erupting" and linking [[2018 lower Puna eruption]].
**A whiteout, to the best of my knowledge and experience, strongly connotes snow being involved somehow.
**It may be misleading to say this did happen; the source says it was considered a possibility.
*I don't see a major overlinking problem, but it can't hurt to check if the nominators have the time/inclination. There are a few inks to Hilo.
*''Areas along the Hilo Bayfront were particularly affected.'' - IS there any more context for this?
*''Landslides in the town destroyed two homes.'' - Does "the town" refer to Hilo or to Hawaiian Acres specifically?
*Close paraphrasing (and needs metric conversion once resolved):
**''Excess water overwhelmed three sewage pumps, causing 9 million gallons of untreated wastewater to spill into Hilo Bay''
**''The storm also overwhelmed three sewage pump stations, causing more than 9 million gallons of untreated wastewater to spill into Hilo Bay''
*''Across Hawaii County'' - I think this is the first time the Big Island was called Hawaii County instead of the Big Island, or variations thereof. While I figured they were one and the same, it isn't made immediately apparently.
*''$3–5 million in property damage'' - The source seems to suggest that figure largely stemmed from lost valuables and bonsai stock, and I'm not sure those would count as property damage. Maybe I'm wrong.
*''4,000 in West Maui.'' - [[West Maui]] redirects to the mountain range. Probably not the intended target.
*''At one point, a hurricane shelter had to be evacuated because of encroaching flames; 600 people were evacuated due to wildfires overall.'' - This sentence should be split to avoid the implication that the latter figure encompasses the former event.
*''Heavy rains later affected Maui, accumulating to 25.58 in (650 mm) in West Wailuaiki.'' - There are some instances of misplaced modifiers, most of them inoffensive enough to overlook. This one is a bit more jarring and requires rewording IMO.
*''On August 24, a sinkhole estimated to be 25 to 30 ft (7.6 to 9.1 m) deep opened in Haiku. Three residences, each with families home, were left isolated.'' - I don't see the depth figures in the following citation, though maybe I'm missing it as I did once in my last round of comments. I'd also round the conversions.
*Three of the first four sentences in the ''Kauaʻi and Oʻahu'' are structured around the semicolon, so that gets a little monotonous.
*''Power outages affected households in Haena and Wainiha,[62] with wind gusts in the latter reaching 55 mph (89 km/h).'' - I don't share some reviewers' general objection to the "with -ing" participial phrase construction, but it's out of place here as it implies causation.
*''Residents reported similarities to record-breaking flooding in April.'' - I'd frame this less anecdotally; "some of the hardest-hit areas were previously affected by..."
*''in Hawaiʻi'' - Is there a reason for using the fancy apostrophe just this one time?
*''Officials in Hawaii reallocated $10 million in funding for road projects to pay for disaster recovery. Repair costs for damaged roads and bridges across eastern areas of the island reached $35 million.''
**Now here I think it's appropriate to specify Hawaii County, since it was that council doing the budgeting.
**Source doesn't support that all or even most of the $10 million was originally allocated to road projects. It should also be noted that they were interested in repairing county property, not funding recovery in general.
**$35 million was an estimate. Change to reflect this if no final total can be found (which is probably the case).
 
;Lede
*''peak rainfall accumulations of 58 in (1,500 mm) at Kahūnā Falls'' - Suggest changing precise location of the weather station to the broader Mauna Loa, which is more meaningful to most people.
*Link or explain "major hurricane", and link Category 5 on the first usage, not second.
*''Across the Big Island, 159 structures were damaged or destroyed.''
– '''[[User:Juliancolton|<span style="font-family:Script MT Bold;color:#36648B">Juliancolton</span>]]'''&nbsp;&#124;&nbsp;[[User_talk:Juliancolton|<sup><span style="font-family:Verdana;color:gray;text-shadow:gray .2em .18em .12em">''Talk''</span></sup>]] 04:05, 3 May 2020 (UTC)