Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Hurricane Lane (2018)/archive1: Difference between revisions

====Image review====
All images are properly sourced and licenced. ALT text seems OKish. [[User:Jo-Jo Eumerus|Jo-Jo Eumerus]] ([[User talk:Jo-Jo Eumerus|talk]]) 18:15, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
====Comments from JC====
*''Increased organization of the system marked its transition to a tropical depression'' - This is a little clunky, but by main complaint is that "transition" should (in my view) be reserved for cyclone phase changes, where the word has meteorological significance. Pick a synonym, any synonym.
*''Based on Dvorak satellite intensity estimates and the development of banding features'' - Curved bands are taken into account by the Dvorak technique, so these aren't actually distinct indicators.
*''high sea surface temperatures'' - I'd change "high" to "warm" at the very least, but ideally say how warm they were.
*With the met. hist. being as chronologically structured as it is, remove the mention of Cat 4 before we get to that point.
*''symmetrical outflow atop the storm provided ample ventilation for convective development.'' - The referenced discussion doesn't support this, and I think it's unnecessarily technical.
*''with winds exceeding 74 mph (119 km/h)'' - Why this instead of the actual intensity?
*''breaking the eyewall'' - Is the eyewall something that can be broken in the physical sense?
*''Reconnaissance observed peak surface winds of 177 mph (285 km/h)'' - SFMR is a form of remote sensing, not direct observation.
*''imparted weakening'' - Caysed, induced, engendered, begat... not imparted.
*''though Lane would not recover this time.'' - Too anthropomorphic.
*What is "noticeable" weakening?
*''Increasingly intense wind shear disrupted the inner core of the cyclone, which soon collapsed.'' - Is it your intention to convey that the cyclone collapsed, and not that the core collapsed?
*''150 mi (240 km) south and west of most islands.'' - I'm having trouble verifying this in the provided sources. Equidistance from "most" islands in a 2,500-km chain seems doubtful.
*''Sporadic convection, sometimes with intense thunderstorms'' - But earlier you said convection ''was'' thunderstorms.
*''Hurricane Lane was the most powerful storm to threaten Hawaii since Hurricane Iniki in 1992.'' - Not consistent with reference to John 1994 in the previous section.
*I hate to say it, but the paragraph documenting the timeline of watches and warnings is mind-numbingly dull. What's to be gained by knowing each change? I've spent a long time advocating for summary-style discussion of TC statements: the first watch, the greatest extent of the highest warning, and the final discontinuation.
*''The University of Hawaii at Manoa initiated emergency protocols on August 22, and a University spokesperson said two weeks worth of food and water had been stored in case of a severe emergency.'' - What do these protocols entail? And why attribute the fact that provisions were stored? Do we doubt this?
*''two dozen domestic and international flights to and from Honolulu International Airport, Hilo International Airport, Kahului Airport, and Lihue Airport.'' - International flights between Hawaiian airports?
*''while the remainder of harbors statewide remained one alert level below closure.'' How many alert levels are there? Why is this important? It seems like a fancy way to say "nothing happened".
*''Numerous state parks and hiking trails closed for the duration of the storm'' - Remove "for the duration of the storm", since that seems imprecise.
*''Fort Shafter announced that all Navy vessels and Air Force planes were being moved out of state on August 22.'' - This badly misrepresents the source material. Also, metonymy on the first (and only) reference to Fort Shafter is not appropriate.
I'll stop there for now. Based on my initial read-through of the MH and preps sections, the article is in fair shape; just some polishing to be done. – '''[[User:Juliancolton|<span style="font-family:Script MT Bold;color:#36648B">Juliancolton</span>]]'''&nbsp;&#124;&nbsp;[[User_talk:Juliancolton|<sup><span style="font-family:Verdana;color:gray;text-shadow:gray .2em .18em .12em">''Talk''</span></sup>]] 04:06, 2 May 2020 (UTC)